poetry

Are You My Girl Or What

She sat across the table from me drinking her coffee. Her eyes kept blinking really fast like there was too much light going into them. It was her third cup of coffee and my second was just going down my throat. I got up to get another cupful.

“Get me another, okay,” she said.

“You could wait til you finish that one,” was what I said as I walked away. I knew she wouldn’t say anything. She just looked into her cup for a minute and then drank some more. I filled my cup again and walked back to the table.

It was early in the day and the school cafeteria was quiet. It was after breakfast but way before lunch and we had just woke up after drinking late into the night. Me and Sarah, we had fought about something around 3am right before we passed out. I didn’t remember anything about it except that she cried a little bit before she started sleep breathing. Then I rolled over and went to sleep too.

“What did we fight about last night,” I asked her as I sat down.

Her eyes flicked from mine to another part of the room. She stared away for a long second then turned back towards me. I kept staring to where I thought her eyes should be. She stuck her finger into her coffee and moved it like she was trying to pick something out of it. I looked at her coffee but there was nothing in it but her finger.

“What did you ask,” she asked.

“Never mind,” I answered.

People were starting to drift in to the cafe. We sat and watched one couple get coffee. They were talking really loud and the girl kept saying, “I can’t believe you said that,” but we never could hear the guy as well as we heard her. It was like his words were all jumbled together. They paid for their coffee and went outside.

“They looked like they were high on drugs,” Sarah said.

“You think everybody is, don’t you?”

“Well?” she answered.

I stared at her. Reached down and took a sip of my coffee but kept looking at her eyes until she looked away.

“I don’t like the way you treat me sometimes,” she said.

That really made me smile.

“What are you smiling about? That wasn’t funny.”

“You know, I really think I could do anything I want to you and you wouldn’t leave me.” was what I said to her.

“That’s not true,”she said. She stared into her coffee.

“Come on. You know it is.”

“I don’t know why you’re saying that,” she said.

I picked up my coffee cup and splashed the rest of my coffee all over her, in her face, on her sweater. She jumped up and tried to brush it off like it was bread crumbs or something and it stained her blouse and dripped off her hair.

She went to the rest room to wash it off and then came back and sat down.

“I don’t know why you did that,” she said. “Now I’m going to have to go back and change. Why did you do that?”

I looked at her and tapped my finger on the table.

“Just to prove a point,” was what I said.

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“Are you my girl or what?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “So what does that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with everything,” I said. And I smiled at her.

A Bright Blue Light

For Mary Haut, March 29, 1913 — March 24, 2003

Mary flies
over the Carpathian Mountains,
she is back home in the Ukraine.

She startles when the nurses
surround her in the hospital bed
ask her if
she is all right, they tell her

the heart monitors were going crazy
back at the nurses’ station.

Mary smiles and says
she wants her money back, the vacation
was over too quick

and they ask her “do you know
where you are?”

She says “of course I do, I’m at
the hospital now,”
as one nurse checks
her blood pressure and the other
gives her medicine to stabilize
her heart beat. “Next time
don’t wake me.”

Mary shuts her eyes. She isn’t going anywhere
yet. She remembers
flying over the snow-covered

mountains, how warm
the wind felt, the sky was
a bright blue light. She was breathing,

falling into it when the nurses
woke her, shook her from the sky.

The Butterfly In The Box

I will take care of you, said the man
to the butterfly. I love you like magic,
he said, and all I want is a small
bit of the powder from your wings and then
I shall provide

all the things you should have in this
life. Only a bit, said the butterfly, of my
powder for such rewards, and the butterfly
was flattered, as the man touched
a bit of dust from each wing and the butterfly
soared that night. All was well and the man took
her in when she touched down and showed
her a mighty metal home. Here, he said, when
you are tired, is where you may rest. No
one, nothing can get to you here, with
the exception of me, and I love you so
all will be well. Tonight, before you sleep,
I would take a bit of your powder between
my fingers. This is all I ask and I will always
be there to protect you. The butterfly bowed
her head and she had misgivings deep in her
heart but put them aside and said, take,
take of my powder,
and he did.

That next day she did fly yet she could not soar as
high and she tired more easily than other
days. She was happy to have a fine metal
box to rest in with her good man beside her
yet her heart felt that something
was missing. There were many days and times,
and he brought her

many fine things, always taking, always
taking a bit more dust from her wings. A voice
cried out within her and she whispered
to the voice, Quiet, he loves me, I must give
my share.

Flying became hard, she was in
the box more and more, she had many things
but there were times she was lonely
in the box. The man had his own life
still, and was not always there. The day came when

flying had become very difficult, and she
asked him for a bit of her dust
back because she could not clear the
lip of the box. This I will

not do, said the man. But I can not make
it out of the box, the butterfly said, won’t
you help me out, after all, you love me, do
you not? Yes, I love you , said the man, you
will be safe, no one can get

to you now. Suddenly the butterfly
was frightened, the small voice
inside was screaming and she tried
to rise. The man smiled as he

closed the lid of the box.

The Angels of Gloucester

In Gloucester, the angels come together
in hospitals, churches, kitchens, they laugh and cry
in each other’s arms. Once they were dirt
whores, carried by the winds of bad chance

into dark hallways, virus-strewn streets,
offered themselves to wasted men and other
cracked demons to buy death on hard-time payments.
Their spirits forgot the words to the ancient

sister songs and their children were ripped
from them. Cramped and alone, these women
cowered in dark basements, fell to their knees before
lesser gods in hell’s hotels, died and were

burned, their ashes swept away with a bitter tide. Everything
changes. They become sisters, walk an ancient path now, join hands
at signs of trouble, hug each other’s children, knit
their families into hot strong blankets with threads

of prayer. The men watch.

Allergies

At the needle exchange she came
in, short purple hair, skinny, beautiful,
pupils wide with junk yen. Urgently
she tugged my coat, said, “Marc, I think

someone sold me a bad gram. I chipped
a piece off it three times, shot it, just keep
getting sicker each time I run it
into my blood.” She held it out

to me. I took it into my hand, rumblings
of deep dope yen awakening full-bore
inside me. I held the chunk to
my nose and sniffed it. With sorrow

in my eyes, I peered deep into her
bottomless chasmic pupils. “God,
I hate to tell you this,” I said, “but
the guy sold you beef boullion.” Her mouth

dropped open full of
gasp, then she said, “Dammit,
no wonder that stuff made
me sick. I’m a vegetarian.”

What To Do When It Is Time To Commit Suicide

When it is time to commit
suicide you must cut the wrist
with a longitudinal slash, the longer
the better.

When it is time to commit
suicide you must put the gun
in your mouth and then shoot
upwards toward the brain.

When it is time to commit
suicide you must take ten bags
of heroin, dump them into
the cooker, cook them well. A large
guage needle, preferably a 21 will serve
you best. Empty the hypodermic
into your vein.

When it is time to commit
suicide, make sure someone
you love is willing to do it
for you if you are unable to
do it yourself.

When it is time to commit
suicide, call a doctor that
you trust.

When it is time to commit
suicide you will think it is
time to commit suicide.

The worst thing that can happen
when you try to commit
suicide is that you might
live through it.

One theory about life is
that if you commit suicide
you must repeat everything
in your next life.

You don’t always get what
you want. Go back
to the beginning of the poem.

Splitting Wood In Hell

The things God cannot put
right have always come back
to me. When the piece of wood
split and fell on the toad

squeezing its internal organs
out through the gaping mouth
it continued to hop
towards me, its hot eyes

staring directly into mine.
I learned that morning eyes
can scream. Squeamishly, I took
a stick and tried to push

the insides outside back
into the toad. The eyes,
the eyes, the eyes never
ceased as the stick busted

the fragile organs would not
fit down the narrow throat
of the toad. I flipped
the maul over to sledge hammer

and prayed that toad into the ground.
My stomach twists, wrenches when
I dream about those eyes. I am
ready to have my mind revoked.

The Perfect Storm

No one is jumping from buildings
during this crash because of the
Bush parachute bail-out. The rich

get paid off with our tax dollars
while a poor woman from Boston
is put out on the street. The bank

is foreclosing on her. She will have
to move to one of those new tent
cities; they’ll call them Bushvilles

this time instead of Hoovervilles
like during the last depression.
The last depression. No one bailed

out the fat cats that time; everyone
went down except for a few
carpetbaggers and liquor dealers.

It’s the Perfect Storm this time; even
the weather is telling us we’re on the
wrong track. Hurricane Kristina, Gustave

and the war in Iraq; the greed of the CEO’s,
I’m a friend of George W. is the new
Greed Anonymous greeting. Bush

didn’t have the 7 billion dollars for child
health care but he’s got 700 billion dollars
for the cats on Wall Street; you can hear

them if you try; yowling on the top floors
in the sweet suites while the rest of us
get foreclosed and put out on the street.

The Birth Of Ar Lain Ta (Conclusion)

Ar Lain Ta was a man of humble origins. His parents were farmers from the west bank of the Salween River. The terrorist but legally sanctioned army of Burma, known as the Tatmadaw, had driven his parents from their farm.

The Tatmadaw used what they called a “Four Cuts Strategy,” which meant isolating and controlling sources of food, funds, intelligence, and recruits. His father, a farmer named U Hla Pe, had been meditating, and his mother had been in the fields slicing the pods off the poppies, when the Tatmadaw arrived and began looting homes, gang-banging the wives and daughters of friends, and plundering animals and the croplands.

Instead of surrendering to them and becoming unwilling participants in the construction of a 100-mile-long railroad line from Aung Ban south to Loi Kaw, in a slave labor camp where cholera, dengue fever, yaws, blackwater fever, yellow fever, amoebic dysentery, and other antagonistic life-forms constantly raided the camps, U Hla Pe chose to slip through the fields and flee with his pregnant wife across the Salween into Mae Ark, a small Pa-O village which was controlled and protected by a benevolent lord of the opium trade named Chang Te Tzu.

Very little is known about his mother’s origins. Her name was Nang Saeng Zoom, however it is not known whether this was her given name or one that she acquired later on in her life. It is said that she loved the fields and she talked to the plants as she worked. There were some that said she was haunted by the ghosts of her ancestors.

The story about Ar Lain Ta’s mother was passed on by an old farmer in the opium den that he retired to after his day’s work was done. One day, when Chang Te Tzu was visiting the village, he became very ill with symptoms of cholera.

The diarrhea came on suddenly and violently, and his stools were filled with rice-like particles. He vomited and defecated simultaneously, and the muscles in his arms and legs knotted and contracted spasmodically, appearing to be boiling beneath his skin to all those who watched with horror.

The man collapsed and virtually seemed to shrink in size within moments. Other observers said that his skin turned to light parchment paper and began to rip in places.

At that moment, Nang Saeng Zoom appeared and light seemed to shine from her eyes as she lifted the seemingly weightless Chang Te Tzu and carried him quickly into her dwelling. His personal guard stood well away and did not interfere for they were afraid that they would be stricken with the strange malady that had infected their Lord. Normally they were afraid of nothing and would charge into battle no matter what weapons their enemies wielded, but this was something out of their realm.

Nang Saeng Zoom lit lamps and mixed potions from strange herbs that were hanging on the walls of her hut. Soon alien smells and chants mixed with the sound of moaning, and the smell of feces, vomit, and death spilled into the air. At first, the smells were weak and the chanting was soft, but like a rising wind they increased in velocity and power. Suddenly, they began to diminish and, within hours, the stench of Hell was gone and the people nearby the hut heard the voice of Chang Te Tzu singing in harmony with the sweet soprano of Nang Saeng Zoom.

It was told–and there are no villagers who will contradict this–that in the evening, Chang Te Tzu emerged from the hut of U Hla Pe with Nang Saeng Zoom on his arm. He was in such robust health that he appeared to glow. When he asked Nang Saeng Zoom what he could do for her, the only boon that she requested was that Chang Te Tzu take her soon-to-be-born son and raise him with the best education possible. When Chang Te Tzu asked her how she knew that the child would be male, she laughed. He began to laugh, also; he laughed so hard that his body shook and the laugh leaped from him to his men and coursed through the entire village like an unstoppable, titanic tide.

Three days later, when the harvest was being celebrated, Ar Lain Ta was born. It was the largest harvest in the history of the village. Soon after that day, U Hla Pe met with an unfortunate accident–the details of which are unknown–while working in the poppy fields. Six months later, Chang Te Tzu married Nang Saeng Zoom.

To this day the people speak of the wonder and magic of the times when Chang Te Tzu ruled with Nang Saeng Zoom at his side. There were those that said that she wielded the power during this era in which Chang Te Tzu’s influence spread across the land, and even reached overseas to the Americas. Of course, this is nothing but rumor and innuendo. Only the walls of their many dwellings know the truth, and they are not speaking. Yet there still remain servants from this era who might talk if they were so inclined.

However, these servants who still live now serve Ar Lain Ta, the birth son of Nang Saeng Zoom and the adopted son of Chang Te Tzu. It is said that he is everywhere at once. There are many stories told about Ar Lain Ta, the man of many names.

Some say that Ar Lain Ta speaks more than eight languages fluently. It is documented that he attended Harvard University and now has two post-graduate degrees: a doctorate in International Relations and a doctorate in Ethnobotany.

There are many stories about Ar Lain Ta, yet there are not many people who have specific memories of meeting him. Many students say that he was like a phantom; sometimes they noticed him and sometimes they did not. Even the professors have different versions of their experiences with him and their stories are always subject to change.