The Suboxone Withdrawal Diaries

Day 19. The heat is starting to creep back into the atmosphere. We had the alarm set so we could go back to the support group this morning but it didn’t go off. Even though I woke at about 5am it was too late for the 6 o’clock meeting. I must have messed with the sound button. I turned it up and tested the alarm and set it for 4:30am tomorrow. Tomorrow is Labor Day but this meeting is seven days a week, no holidays off. Our addictions/ alcoholism didn’t take any days off, right? I’m still feeling under the weather and my wife has prepared all types of delights for the hot days to come. Mary Esther makes wonderful borscht and fantastic potato salad. Cold comfort food for the hot days to come. I haven’t purged yet today but maybe it’s because I haven’t moved around too much. I made two sandwiches for Mary Esther and one for me because I had two waiting in the refrigerator. It feels good to write about this detox. It is certainly a long road. I finished Stephen King’s book called The Tommyknockers. It was 550 pages long and a true horror. I recommend it if you are going through tough times. Now I’ll watch the Tommyknocker movie made for television. I know it won’t be as good as the book. It couldn’t be. I hope they make a movie out of the book like they made a remake of IT by Stephen King for the movies.

Day 20. Whoo Whoo. Got up at 4:20am to go to my favorite meeting which meets every day, holidays included, at 6am and 7am. I went to the 6am with my sweetheart. Had broken sleep; real trouble falling asleep. This is a long detox.

Day 21. The summer heat is back even though it is September 4th. I purged today and it was good. I’ve been hungry and that’s good too. Mary Esther, my wife, thinks my mood swings are a whole lot better. Well, it’s not over yet but I feel better than I did. Went to the pharmacy and picked up my regular psych meds and told them not to save Suboxone any more for me. I see my shrink on Day 23 and that will be a surprise for him. My regular therapist called me last night to see how I was doing because she had to cancel my appointment. It seems that her partner is very ill and she’s doing the hospital thing with her. I have to say that she’s the best therapist I’ve ever had. She’s been with me for many years now; even longer than my psychopharmacologist.

Day 22. Still had a rough time sleeping last night. I just got up at 5:15am and took a shower and then ate breakfast with Mary Esther. It was okay. I’m psyched because some of the people won the Primaries that I was rooting for and I voted too.

Day 23. Saw my Psychopharmacologist today. He was surprised that I just dropped off the Suboxone regimen. He said he would have helped me if I had asked; he’s a good guy and I’ll continue to see him for my regular two psych meds. He still wants me to give urine when I come because, he said “that’s for my protection.” Of course if I wanted to get high I could always do it in the beginning of the month and be clean when I saw him. But I don’t want to get high; that’s the deal. Even though my emotions are running the gamut, my body is feeling better and the infernal heat stops tonight. It’s raining and the temperature is going down but the house is still hot as Hades. Meeting tomorrow morning, Friday.

Day 24. Feeling better. Slept until the alarm went off at 4:30am and then got up and went to a 6am meeting. Then I took my wife shopping for food. Almost had an accident with the car. A truck was blocking my view of the traffic light and I followed him through and the light was red on a four lane road and people were whipping behind me and in front of me and the two lanes I was blocking were horn blowing. All of a sudden the two lanes in front of me stopped and let me through. Whew. That’s the last time I’ll go through a light without stopping to see if it’s red. We were lucky and Blessed.

Day 25. Actually had a good night’s sleep and woke refreshed. Did some computer work—emails and such and then showered and cooked and ate oatmeal for breakfast. I feel like I feel better than I should but then, that’s just my monkey mind at work. I’m expecting a real nice book today. It’s a special artist’s gift edition from Suntup Press signed by the artist Rick Berry. I’m excited about that and right now I’m reading two books—Ball Lightning by Cixin Liu and Bird Box by Josh Malerman. Not for the faint of heart.

Day 26. Finally a purge this morning after not going for 2 days. Ironically I keep a book up there called Junkie by William Burroughs. I always bring another book I’m reading but William Burroughs helps me go. I had a rough sleep night last night. Still that’s happening. But I got up, stripped and made the bed, put up a wash of clothes and took the dry clothes off the line and put most of them away so far. I also ate well for breakfast. Mary Esther made waffles and they were good, topped with peaches and real maple syrup.

Day 27. A medium rough night. Ate breakfast, shaved, showered, purged in a good way. Going to rain so I cant’ bicycle 4 or 5 miles like I did yesterday. Watching Rockin’ Roberta now. Good recovery channel on youtube.

Day 28. Went to my morning home group, Just For Today. Today’s topic was called Making Amends. Very Timely. It’s raining so I can’t bicycle today. Oh well. That’s the way it goes. Acceptance. It’s Mary Esther’s birthday and I bought her three books; one is here; the other two just came in. It’s a nine book Space Oydssey by James S. A. Corey, a pseudonym for 3 writers working together. Mary Esther is on book 4, so I bought her books 5, 6, and 7. The others haven’t come out yet.

Day 29.Rough nights sleep. Up and down, up and down. Oh well, no one said that I was going to cruise through this. I’m going to bicycle today even though I may get caught in a rainstorm. I desperately need the exercise.

Day 30.I forced myself to bicycle 6 miles yesterday. Still sleeping rough but that’s okay. I’m feeling much better each day. I’m going to meetings two days a week and that’s good. I get up at 4:30am to go to the 6am meeting. I’m going to the doctor with my dear Mary Esther today to schedule her upcoming surgery and we’re both somewhat concerned. That’s how life is, I guess.

Day 31. I’m worried about Mary Esther. It’s such a scary surgery that she has to go through. I bicycled to Harvard Square and back. We went to a meeting at 6am this morning. Then we went food shopping. Mary Esther went to her pain clinic today and they put her on oxygen for a while. She’s home now and I’m still frightened. Fuck!

Day 32. Mary Esther is feeling somewhat better but we are prepared for anything, we think. I’m still in semi-withdrawal but it’s not as bad as it was. We’re going to Maine tomorrow if all goes well. Hopefully we’ll get some down time and rest easy. Mary Esther became short of breath today and I took her to the hospital. She’s still there; I stayed for most of the day and I just came home to sleep. She’s improving.

Day 33. Mary Esther’s birthday. We celebrated it at the hospital. They even provided a cake. It wasn’t like being in Maine though. Maybe later in the season, who knows. I’m still clean; locked the dope closet right up. No temptation whatsoever. That would be a real bummer, eh.

Day 34. Mary Esther is home. I’m feeling a little worn out from being at the hospital almost non-stop but it was worth it to see her get better. Me? Suboxone withdrawal? Feels like it’s almost over. I saw on the Internet an ad for a new brand called Sublocade put out by the Suboxone company. It appears the doctor gives you an injection and it stays effective for 30 days. Whoo Whee, pretty scary shit, you know.

Day 35. I’m going to wrap this hoary tale up now. Still sneezing but I think it’s basically over. I’ll let you know if anything crops up. Thanks for being there with me and check out Rockin’ Roberta on youtube. Peace when possible!